dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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