I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
