we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize