I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
