Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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