Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
