So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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