So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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