my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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