i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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