Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Randomize
