You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
