Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
