the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
