I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
