I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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