I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
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Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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