just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
