i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
