I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
