We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
