Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
