Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
They took my balls.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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