I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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