i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
