dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
