I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
