As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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