I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
