I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
