How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
