He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
