This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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