YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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