So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
