He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
