Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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