Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize