I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
