i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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