my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
