After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
