I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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