he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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