I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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