How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
