I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
