I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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