So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
