I showed him my bush... on skype.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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