I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
