You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
