tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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