Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
false alarm. still invincible.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
