you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
