I accidentally burped into my bong.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
