Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
