I hate your face
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
