I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
How's work?
Spinning.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
