when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
