normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I believe in your delicious
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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