i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
