carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I need water and some morals
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
