I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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