im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
