Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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