we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
