the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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