there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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