R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize