Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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