I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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