i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
