so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
