I can tuck mytits in my pants
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
