Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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