his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
