after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
