i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
