the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
