He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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