Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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