My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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