I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize