I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
