i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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